Not One Is Broken, No Not One
Whether I in fact have an answer that could be conceived as legitimate or even helpful is beside the point, this notion still erupts out of viewing the other as in need of patching up, of replacement parts or a new mind that I bring to them. If I but step back a bit I will notice though that not only is any potential “solution” not merely arising from singular me but by acting as such I have forgotten to see the person or situation as is, set as I am on projecting myself.
Nothing here is to be construed as declaring struggle doesn’t exist in life or that any of us are not at times buffeted by events for which we seek a haven. Rather than viewing such as a result of our fragility or incomplete nature however, I want to change the metaphor to holding our partner(s) or our friend(s) in all their parts-as-whole. As Daniel Siegel notes, integration is the construction of disparate parts into a new coherent narrative. Knowing such a space for another, without offering a solution, indicates the lie of a “fallen nature” and rests instead within a me-and-us creative enterprise.
When I, or any of us, approach someone who is suffering, seeing them as whole and complete, strong and resilient, but at the moment blind to this, a person can be seen devoid of our own hopeful projections. Viewing each other as wholes, as complete entities, encourages thoughtful contemplation rather than emotive melodrama. We do not get stuck attempting to fill the gaps or lack, instead noting how much more we are together. Any solutions then arise through the communal-creation (communication) of an expansive interpersonal connection.
See also: Communication as Communal-Creation